this music is the glue of the world.

oh my GOD

2004-09-22T15:35:21Z

secret life of your friends by emoxmagnet
Username
Age
Favorite Color
secretly loves emo	xoxo_ferg
knows all of britney spear's dance moves	darksheer
is a crack whore on 4th street	suchakiller
masturbates 10 times a day	hergenerator
is in love with you	ifakeditdork

Quiz created with MemeGen!

this is HILAROUS! click on "watch the high speed intro."

i had to leave the house of television to finally notice the clouds.

2004-09-22T15:28:03Z

before i launch into today's rant, i want to say thanks to everyone who comments frequently on my journal. it means a lot to me. ^_^ y'all get internet hugs. ((((((((((y'all)))))))))))

so this is the stuff of the moment.

i'm sick! but i think the crap that's been lodged in my face is breaking up and slowly dripping out, so that means i'm getting better? i do hope so, because it seems EVERYONE is sick, at school, on lj... i hope i haven't the flu... i've never got the flu but i heard it completely debilitated my aunt for some time. who is sick out there? make your croaking voices heard! :)

kyttn is sick, too :( poor babe. he keeps throwing up and this morning when i stepped in it i decided then and there he is going to the vet. it could be a number of things, like new food... i was trying to introduce that new organic kitty litter... or getting mels (the new cat). but we'll see soon enough. he goes in friday at 3:30.

the hearing for van's family is tomorrow :-/ we're all a little weary, van especially. i wish i could tell him that his family is not falling apart, and that everything will be OK, but i honestly don't know that. i just hope in time he will be absorbed in my family and feel like a part of it. :) families have a tendency to do that.

--a few minutes later--

i just got a call from van and as i was walking around the house, i stepped in MORE cat vomit! urg!! which gave me an idea!

the question of the day!

it'll be like the friday five, except it will be included in every journal entry. today's question? what grosses you out more than anything? i felt it was kind of a running theme of this entry. so, respond in a comment and feel free to post it in your journal to see what other people say. just give cred ;)

alright, on to more marika-related business. today will probably prove to be a busy day. i thought i was going to sleep all day since i really wore myself out these past few days with minimal sleep and maximum effort put out, but i woke up at 10:00 am. might be late for some of you, might be early, but for me it's early. i still have boundless energy (something to be watched). so i called bj and told him i would indeed be meeting him for a mall outing. i know this sounds terribly cliche, but i can't think of a better way to spend the day than grabbing a friend and going to the mall. maybe it's because our town is so small and entertainment options are severely limited. i think i like the mall because it is a microcosm in itself; then each store is also its own little world. but believe me i am not a mallrat. i just enjoy it. i may have come close to the mallrat title in high school, but not now. in the words of bj, "just because the smoothie guy knows us by our order DOESN'T mean we live here!" haha. the stores i like best are: torrid, fye, suncoast, hot topic, sometimes claires, the smoothie place, and that indian traders place. there used to be a store called inti in our mall, i don't know if it was a chain or what, but it was great. it had hot topic-type products except without the pretentious attitude and the mean sales clerks. some of those hot topic workers are bitches! (some are just hot.) but in inti we could stand around talking to the girls that worked there for like 20 minutes and they would enjoy us and not be like, "what do you, live here?" also inti had more unique items. like my rainbow bright hoodie. i never saw that in hot topic and i've only seen it on maybe 2 or 3 other people. and my plaid dickies bag. i need to start using that again. anyway so it was a great store, now it's out of business. :( tres triste. but the best part of the mall is definitely people watching. bj and i get smoothies and sit on our bench and watch people. it's so much better than tv. sharper picture too. :)

i also have to go to the bank, the grocery store, do the dishes, clean my bedroom, and hang out with ryan. i love being busy :)

like CNN and the weather channel...constant updates.

2004-09-21T16:27:39Z

5:17 AM oh my god if i have to stay up another hour i'm going to shoot myself in left brain. i just spent 4 HOURS on ONE ASSIGNMENT ALONE. and on top of that, i spent another 4 hours in the library today doing the portion of the assignment that needed to be completed in the language lab. that's 8 total hours on one god damned assignment. i just can't fathom it, even though i've already done it. my ass is sleep deprived! i was worn out before this mess but now i'm seriously beat. my eyes are going to be half closed all day. people will probably think i'm stoned, or related to jim bruer.

____

8:04 AM could it be?! am i really DONE with french?? !!!! yes!!!!

____

10:44 AM it's off to mind-numbing hell - i mean school - i go, on one and a half hours of sleep.

____

12:25 PM whoa. it's weird to be here. i get pretty scatterbrained when i don't get enough sleep. i mean, i'm usually disorganized, but today already i spent five minutes looking for my wallet in my car when it was in my pocket the whole time. then there's crowded computer lab confusion... man! talk about overwhelming. well, gotta go put "outrageous accentures" on my french paper. bonsoir!

---

5:09 PM whoa, and this time a good whoa! my day did a total 360. i was late for RM lab because i was attempting the homework (damn standard deviation), which i didn't finish. but i had to get to class, because if your more 10 + minutes late, you're absent for the day. they lock you out and an absence is really bad for your grade. plus the fact that we only have the class once a week, so you kinda have to go. so i drove over there and got a great spot in the lot closest to the building! first i was heading for one spot, but i saw another girl was poised to get it, she was just too far away. so i was like, snaking it out from under her without realizing it. so my conscience kicks in and i let her have the spot and i keep going and i get a better spot! instant (good) karma :) then i ran up the parking-garage style stairs on the side of the building only to find the second floor door is locked from the inside! so i run down the stairs, all the way around the building to the main entrance, take the elevator up to the 2nd floor (cuz by this time i'm wheezing), just knowing my dick of a teacher is going to smile and wave at me through the window of the door, also locked. i could feel it. he criticizes everything i do, so i was sure this would be another point of contention. instead he lets me in! it's a miracle. i sit through class, stomach rumbling, and at break ask him if i can email him the homework tomorrow and take the lost points. he says yes, but i must give it to him personally, not put it in his box, not email it to him. i tell him i'm not going to be on campus tomorrow and that it's an hour drive from my house. surprisingly he understands! he implies that if i give it to him on thursday he will "be cool about it." wow, the gods are smiling on me. my good year has indeed begun.

after i get some lunch at taco bizzy, i hear one of my favorite new songs, "a favor house atlantic" by coheed and cambria. i was so ecstatic that i start belting it out at the top of my lungs as i sped down the road back to school. aah a glorious moment. the song is losing steam with regards to airplay, so it was sooooo good to hear it. the best part about my lunch recess today was the clouds. they were so beautiful. god who painted that? man. blew me away.

so anyway i get back to school filled with an overwhelming sense of calm. now usually my internal state is anything but calm at school, or in any social situation. but today i'm self assured and i know it. i feel as if i'm walking to see a friend, but i'm not. i'm just walking. and i walk with confidence. people notice. it's really nice. for a short time i get a glimpse at how it feels to not be bothered by stupid shit, and what it feels like to be less insecure. i get to cooper and decide to track down lance about the questions i had with the lab. he is sitting in his office writing a paper. he seems glad that i finished my lab and came to him for help. i want to be a good student, i really do. i need to get my GPA up. i would say i'm getting better by the day. :)

i know this is a long entry but i'm over putting lj cuts in my own journal for long entries. hope you all are having fun!

lil library update

2004-09-20T22:05:13Z

"you can dance, you can dance, everybody look at your pants!"

i am going to try to update quickly and without whining. (note: there is a difference between whining and stating something.)

today is a cheerful seeming day. very cloudy and windy and cool for a change, which is nice. it's been windy and cloudy before but not with cool air. aaah.

i'm taking a break from my french lab. i think i'm getting sick. i know my headache is just due to my ponytail being pulled too tight. i had a friend in jr high who would tied her ponytail so tight it pulled the skin around her eyes. people made fun of her for this.

van met me in the library and we had good times. we talked while i reorganized my backpack. i'm getting into organizing things. and washing my hands thoroughly and repeatedly. i even bought one of this little bottles of hand sanitizer. OCD?? i hope not. that can be really paralyzing. it's probably just stress.

anyway kids, i'm off! have a great one, and libras, prepare for something big :)

jearb @ 2004-09-20T00:55:00

2004-09-20T05:02:14Z

i want some chocolate and we don't have any. :( i'm doing really bad with my attempts at being a vegetarian. the whole giving myself a week to get off beef and pork turned into 9 days, but it feels like longer. and i've had chicken almost every day i haven't had pork. fuck, this is harder than i thought.

tuesday is such a big day. i have all this crap due for french. check this shit out.

a quiz (like we usually have on tuesdays)
an ORAL EXAM (three minutes of a spoken quiz individually)
20 PAGES OF LAB!!!
a composition written in french
PLUS, normal book homework.

GOD DAMMIT!!!!

on top of that, i have to calculate some variance and standard deviation thingies for my research methods lab, also due tuesday. i know i can get it all done if i work all day tomorrow, which is what i'm going to have to do.

tuesday's supposed to be a big day astrologically too. i've looked into it and this is a big year for libras. jupiter is going into libra or something so it means we get a whole year of golden age proportions. yesss. it's gonna be long overdue. it's all gonna come out, outa me, onto you. i put my RBR sticker on the back window of my car right under the break light, which turned out to be a stupid thing because it obstructs my vision. van said i might even get a ticket. fuckers. oh and i got an evolve poster too, which has a really beautiful picture of ani looking wistful. :) loves me some ani!

so yeah, i think the most recent strong bad email was sent in by my friend ryan. i can tell by the long and rambling nature of the signature. "did you just call me a dog food gangster?" haha. anyway i tried calling him today to ask if it really was him but he didn't pick up his phone. hey ryan, was that you? it had the correct last initial, and your crazy homie-speak.
anyway, this rambling has come to a close.

jearb @ 2004-09-20T00:31:00

2004-09-20T04:30:35Z

The Secret Lives of Your LJ Buddies by retro_melt
Username
Stuffs his/her bra:	blacjaguar
Has a tiny mutant mushroom penis:	darksheer
Adores sweaty crevices of the human body:	kindleblossom
Has let an animal pleasure them:	suchakiller
Has a crusty pic of you under their pillow:	insolent_angel
And you	are secretly touched.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

haha, that's TWO for sam liking sweaty crevices. ;)

the concert was amazing, to say the least. i'll update more when i have more energy. i just about ran myself into the ground cleaning mercilessly and running errands for the last 7 + hours. whoo! what a weekend. hope yours was fun :)

ps - i finally found my glasses! joy of joys!!!

jearb @ 2004-09-18T17:19:00

2004-09-18T21:18:07Z

quick update!

i MOST DEFINITELY AM going to see ani tonight!! YEEE-HAAWW. hahahaha. i'm taking kim. we will have a delictable time. but for now i gotta get my happy ass in the shower!

ta!

shake it if you got it

2004-09-18T09:10:14Z

marf. i just got home from chambers with timm. it was really fun, i'll update more when i'm awake. i'm hoping to go see ani tomorrow!!! everything depends on getting that refund check from my aunt... or if what timm says is true, getting to an amscot before it's too late... my god i want to go so bad. i should sleep now. bye!

they said you were "pretty but dumb." no wait, just "pretty dumb."

2004-09-17T20:47:29Z

well a good night's sleep proved i needn't worry about stupid things. sure, i got a stupid crush on some guy in my class who turned out to be married, but it's all water under the bridge now. i worked things out with van and eventually he'll feel more comfortable trusting me. plus, besides this drama, things are good at home! despite the hurt this annoying-ness has caused, it really opened my eyes to how much i care for van. things finally feel settled, in a happy way. where they should be. so, enough with this silly mess. onward!

i feel bubble-gum poppy today. :) it's a good change! timm and i are going to chambers tonight. that means i gotta get gas and cash. cash money.

i feel accomplished cuz i finally signed up for student health insurance, so i can get reimbursed for my perscription. today is wraught with adventures and obligations. bj, timm, and my aunt are all waiting on my attention. not to mention an empty fridge, and no soy milk makes for a sad marika. cuz that means no cereal, and cereal is my lifeblood.

i had morning sex again today. i'm coming around on it.

have a good one all!

pity party, table for one.

2004-09-15T17:22:45Z

i am feeling really horrible. i told van about the recent problem i've been mulling over, hoping it would make things better. and in the long run i'm sure it did, but for now it sucks. now he's mulling it over and doesn't know what to think or feel about me, except that he loves me, of course. god i feel so awful. why am i such a .... blah.

living reflections from a dream

2004-09-14T04:47:08Z

being on depakote changes everything. even the way i hear music. i tried to show van how i appreciated the lazy tambre of the banjo in a squirrel nut zippers song. he said he didn't like the banjo. i told him it was not about liking it or not liking it, it was absorbing it in context and appreciating it. nothing. but that's ok though. we've all got our passion. i just wanted to share mine with him. and we've always got movies. :) "darling! could you like, chill for a sec?"

the new girl let van pet her. painful progress, but progress none the less.

i'm almost done with secret life of bees. i binge-read all day, which was fun, but the story was sad. it's getting happier now, towards the end.

i gotta go claim my spot on the bed before the space is jeapordized ;)

jearb @ 2004-09-12T18:23:00

2004-09-12T22:33:12Z

i picked up the new girl today =^..^= she's had a hard day with getting her shots from the vet, a long car ride, and relocating and all, so she's hiding behind the computer desk. the other cats are cautious.

i need a good boinkfest. van wanted to do it this morning but i don't like morning sex.

so i guess ivan's not hitting us. bummer.

they found my wallet that i lost at the show at a gas station near by. timm and i had gone there to pee and buy smokes. everything was still there, including $15 cash, my visa card and my drivers license. restores my faith in humanity :)

and on that note:

"I realized for the first time in my life: there is nothing but mystery in the world, how it hides behind the fabric of our poor, browbeat days, shining brightly, and we don't even know it." ~ Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees (a great book, i highly recommend it)

ivan pic

2004-09-12T06:26:51Z

isn't it beautiful?

went to a ska show the other night. very fun. and cute. i felt the love.

i now have roadrunner! yesssssss!

contemplation.

2004-09-10T20:31:46Z

every so often i stumble across something my mom has written. usually a big part of it is venting steam about me, which i don't want to know, i just have to read, that sort of thing. and it usually makes me feel really guilty, because a lot of the time it was so hard to control my behavior when i was manic, i didn't even bother trying. but the good thing that comes from this is it reminds me that i want to do right by her - i want to live a life that will make her proud. this includes doing right by everyone else in my life: my family, van, richard and michelle, my teachers, my friends, and myself. it means doing well in school (first and foremost), keeping up with the house, holding a job and spending money wisely. in general being a responsible person. i want to be a better person.

it's coming right for us!

2004-09-10T16:48:25Z

i love the chaos of a storm. i know everyone's tired of dealing with them but not me!

this is me procrastinating.

2004-09-09T20:06:58Z

i'm in the library. it's very cold! i thought van just couldn't take it. ;)

i updated my lj info to include "people in my life." i don't know why i haven't done that roster before. i've seen it in other people's journals and liked it.

i must pee but i'm afraid if i leave my computer station someone will take it so i'll update first. even though there's nothing new to say really. i went on a spending spree and made a huuuuuge dent in my checking account. i actually overdrew it. it sucked. but it's taken care of and i have a bunch of cute new pink and black outfits that are somewhat goth-...ish. that pleases me because i've always wanted to dress that way but my mom never approved. ta da! anyway, i should really do some studying for french. it starts in two hours. bye kids.

my babies

2004-09-08T15:42:31Z

i dreamed about them last night... and put an order in for them today! aren't they beautiful? *sighs*

evening update

2004-09-08T02:50:23Z

today was a long and eventful day. i'll try to keep it concise. the best thing that happened today was we got power back. we got up early and ran errands. ate at denny's. went to the mall - i got black and pink/purple/blue socks and this key holder thing that looks like a fat shoelace that you can put around your neck with nintendo mushrooms on it. it's cute. the goth boy at hot topic who looked like a girl was eyeing us the whole time. there were really cute school girl skirts but alas, they were too small. i found the cutest shoes but they didn't have them in my size so i hope to hunt them down online and order them. they're black and pink airwalks. my feet end up making a crooked indent in airwalks but oh well. they're too cute to pass up. and i've never seen them before. the shoe store guy said they must have got them in today. they must be mine! dyed my hair red when we came home. decided not to cut it. i almost wish i had school tomorrow so i could see kim and flaunt my red hair. ^_^ it's more like burgandy. i've dyed it red before where it was more red, but this is more the color of wine. still pretty though. it looks more me than my usual sandy blonde. having AC back is wonderful. van and i weathered this storm much better than charley. partially due to the fact that we didn't have to deal with his mother. our first weekend together, even with the hurricane, was surprisingly calm. last night there was no power on my street and there were no cars on the road and we were sitting around eating tacos by candlelight. it was beautiful really. so still and quiet. i've really been enjoying myself. van helped me make the transition from night to day virtually painlessly. i got up at 8 this morning and i'm still going without a nap. when we got home this afternoon we found the power company had cut down an ASSLOAD of tree branches from the guy behind us' house so we spent a good hour and a half cutting them up and dragging them out to the street while the people from progress energy fixed our wires. richard (next door neighbor) helped a lot. he's a good person. i emailed my french class friend to let him know we have a quiz next time. i have yet to study for it. i really want to go to school tomorrow, damn it. i showed van the difference between punk and emo. it was fun giving a musical lesson. i played op ivy and brand new. i can't find a whole cd case that contains my rancid cd and punk-o-rama 5 (i think) which i've been dying to listen to the past few days. arg. i can't wait to find it. oh yeah i got sunglasses too at the mall. they look good.

jearb @ 2004-09-07T12:14:00

2004-09-07T16:26:42Z

Recommend to me:

1. A movie
2. A book
3. A musical artist, song, or album
4. A website
5. A quote

Put the answer in a comment, then put it in your own LJ.

do it, bitches!

i'm at the library so i can't stay long. still without power at the house. it's getting old. but school was canceled for today which made me happy. that makes a six day vacation from school. friday - wednesday. whoo!

things with van and i are going remarkably smoothly. it feels so right living with him. i hated living alone.

i found great t-shirt finds at wal*mart last night! two hanes t-shirts for three bucks each, two wife beaters for five bucks each, then one with those siamese cats from lady and the tramp on them. i also bought red hair dye. yee! :) ttfn!

lil update

2004-09-06T16:01:14Z

hurricane frances is kicking our collective ass. we're without power. i'm running my labtop on a battery.

a big HI & welcome to the new friends. i would have commented on your journals earlier but for some reason lj won't let me leave comments or post directly through the site. >:( it's annoying! anyway. to missmarissa: duck hunt kicks ass. your journal is cute - thus so are you. :)

coffee and inclement weather make me sleepy. ta!

jearb @ 2004-09-04T21:58:00

2004-09-05T02:12:35Z

oh look at me. this is my third entry today. i am waiting for hubby to get home. not really, just van. he wants me to do some dishes, which i am avoiding like the plague. i realized pretty much every form of entertainment is hit or miss. it started with me thinking south park was hit or miss. then strong bad emails. then lj surfing. radio. fast food. *shrugs* i discovered radio@aol tonight but now it's not working.

i am still trying to figure out why life is generally uneventful except for certain years chock full of events that are smattered in between the stagnation. i mean sure shit is happening in those other years but you'll get these years that are jam packed full of stuff. then you'll spend the other years recouperating. like this year for example. mom died, i started school at usf, cheryl's mom died, kelly moved back from providence, i visited sarah, sarah's getting married, 2 hurricanes, a presidential election, and now van and i are living together. i mean holy shit - that's a fucking lot of life changing events! 1999 was also a busy year. we moved to florida, i met sarah, started at dunedin, started smoking pot, etc. started a whole new era of my life. i am convinced it has something to do with planetary (and moon) alignment. i think we recently changed from some planet to saturn as far as what is influencing us right now. i have to figure out what it is! i've lived long enough now to see a trend in things, and this excites me.

i obsessively change my lj user info things. i'm always thinking of new interests to put in. i like clicking on more obscure interests and see who else has it listed and add them as friends. i had some cool uj friends before i deleted freeform.

kelly has elevated her friend status from no-show deadbeat to best girlfriend. :) sarah's so busy with wedding plans she doesn't have time for me, and kelly and i have gotten close again. sadly though just like my other out of state friendships, ours is cyclical.

a strange phenomenon: guys hit on me left and right now that i'm in a relationship. kelly ventured the theory that now since i'm just radiating happiness and a "glow" that guys are attracted to that. i think it's pheremones. it's actually getting old. i enjoyed the attention for all of two minutes. now i know how kim felt when we were in middle school and she always got guys' attention but treated it like it was no big deal.

i'm toying with the idea of changing my appearance a little. i'm gonna sleep on it some more though. 'night.

this year takes the cake for being the most eventful year of my life.

2004-09-04T05:33:13Z

van and i are living together. his mom went psycho and kicked him out of the house. but not just kicked him. served him with an injunction (temporary restraining order) which is SO FUCKED UP because he has never laid a finger on her. it's completely groundless. she is such a lying phony, but we can't hate her because she's mentally incompetant. but the other side to that is that we're now living together! i'm really fucking excited. it seems like the natural progression of things. it's such an adult thing to do.

well, nap time.

jearb @ 2004-09-03T15:54:00

2004-09-03T20:07:42Z

mmmmm crunchwrap. i love these damn things. i'm really worried about van because his mom might be kicking him out of his house... again. and i know how upsetting that must be for him. i wish i could just yell at her and make her not be so damn crazy! but he is welcome here and i hope that if it does have to happen, he comes here.

so school was closed today, but i don't have classes anyway so it's not that exciting. last night i went to the first meeting of the pride group at usf. i should have met them at sacred grounds afterwards and i regret not going. i went to tell kim i wasn't going to hang out and i ended up feeling bad about breaking plans with her (since i had already broken tentative plans with van that same day), so i stayed. also i was feeling kind of shy. but i knew it was the wrong decision once i sat down cuz quizbowl is so damn boring when they're not doing a trash packet. i hate feeling stupid. i don't know any of the material. but then again i guess the people make it ok. i did end up laughing a lot. so it wasn't a total loss. later we all hung out. i had mixed feelings about it. i shouldn't drink. it doesn't help things. lately i've just had the urge to get so piss-ass drunk. i don't know why. i just took the opportunity.

in french yesterday i totally bombed a pop quiz. we're having another quiz on tuesday. god damn. i am doing so poorly in french already and it's only been two weeks. i guess i should start doing the homework. my friend wasn't there yesterday. i realized that being tired makes me moody and being moody makes me tired. it's a vicious cycle.

i feel like swearing.

2004-09-02T05:51:23Z

these are the string of songs i've been listening to lately on one of my old mixed tapes:

cake - the distance
local h - all the kids are right
third eye blind - losing a whole year (holy shit, the music in this song is AWESOME)
soul asylum - black gold
korn - wicked
korn - a.d.i.d.a.s.
korn - low rider

fucking awesome.

the life is peachy album is fun rock for me. the guitars sound really 2-d, flat, not really capable of rocking out... and not dark enough to be depressing. it's just good clean (well, not clean) fun rock. almost comical. i like their use of pedals and other such noise making thingies. korn is just a silly band, and i miss my who then now? tape. i don't know where it went, but i have a sneaking suspicion it disappeared on the same day jay returned my backpack to me at the art center. he was a known theif. i won't say life is peachy is korn's best album, but it is definitely my favorite. their best would have to be the self titled one.

i think it's really amusing that i own one of the cds that so many kids from uj quoted all the time. "i am heaven sent, don't you dare forget..." and something about, "if looks could kill...my job would be staring..." how DEEP! *faints* i think one thing that really annoys me about emo (besides the obvious excessive whining) is that the bands sound as if they're trying too hard to create some new cliches. like the thing about staring. they truly sound like they're trying way too hard. i couldn't imagine sitting down to write such self-conscious lyrics. i hate creativity that sounds forced.

today i felt GOOD for a huge chunck of the day. kick ass!

marina is staring at me.

didn't do much today - hung out with ryan and watched "thirteen" again, disproving my theory that it would get easier to watch each time. not the case. afterwards i wish i had my mom to tell her how much i loved her and how sorry i was for being such a teenage brat. that movie lays all my skeletons bare. chilling really.

i'm so freaking excited to make new friends this year. i can't tell you how good i feel when i interact with people. like talking to my french class friends. i really want to make new friends! christ! but the friends i have right now are also kick ass. like kelly - i called her tonight upset about something and crying and she was so sweet and kept calling me honey. i can tell she honestly cares about me. i love that we have so many years of friendship under our belts - proves i CAN in fact maintain a longterm relationship. with the exception of marc (our friendship is tentative at best), she's my longest running friendship. let's see... that's holy shit, 7 and a half years. kick ass!! there's nothing like an old friend. well, her and cheryl. but currently i talk to kelly more than cheryl. haven't talked to sarah in a while; she's busy with wedding plans.

i rediscovered the liberating power of skirts. heellllllllllll yeah.

my research methods lab teacher is a total prick. that's ok though - i'm not gonna let him beat me. i figured out a way to get things done. make it into a competition! if i consider the situation with asshole teachers like this it makes it easier: i can either let them make me upset, and then THEY win, or i can laugh at them in my head, then I win. fuck yeah.

i wonder if i had grown up under different circumstances i would be more inclined to be a punk rocker. i really do have an aversion towards authority and i can be cynical and agro enough to pull it off i think. then there's always my sensitivity that gets in the way of that dream. punk rock boys can really rude. hahahaha. duh.

le sigh...what a wonderful day.

2004-09-01T05:00:54Z

van and i had a wonderful one year... he surprised me with breakfast of pancakes from the 'Hizzy (with walnuts & bananas and syrup and whipped cream!) bright and early. he had to ring my doorbell about 1000 times and wait a few minutes before it registered that i was not dreaming the doorbell ringing. i gave him the book of us i made and he gave me a card and red roses with i think irises in them too. damn i love that Van. later after some contentious episodes at school, (did well on the french test and made a friend, btw) we exchanged gifts and he made me the greatest collage of all things we did together, including movie stubs, the APC concert ticket stub, little plastic spoons we sampled ice cream with, and all sorts of trinkets from our dating life this past year. god it has been an amazing journey, and like any of mine filled with joys and, especially in this turn, heartwrenching sorrows. we went to eat at bonefish grill which was gourmet to the max. i felt like a novice eating there. i couldn't stop chatting on and on about french class and i noticed i was bringing up immature things to try and tone the place down to my level, but it didn't work. they asked for my ID when i asked for rum & coke. i can't wait till i don't have to say, "oh, i must have forgot it in the car" anymore.

when we came out of the restaraunt the lightening was illuminating the sky and the wind blew my skirt around and little drops of rain were falling already. i felt like a goddess. it was great. we drove through terrential rainpour to my house where i made us both a chipper and we watched the simpsons and cuddled and talked and i knocked over a glass and sang songs about the dancing bears. then Van had to leave. but i want to thank you, Van of my heart, for the wonderful time. i love you so much and you're the sweetest!! *muah*